From time to time I find myself stepping outside of myself and looking at my surroundings as a stranger, wondering how it would play as a movie, wondering what others see when they look at a scene I'm in the middle of...(a scene of which I am at the middle). I had one of those moments Friday night.
There's a scene in "While You Were Sleeping" where Sandra Bullock's character is looking around at this family that she has adopted and is just grinning at their byplay with one another. My friend Eric had a handful of people over to his house for beer and snacks and generally lounging. I'm not super-close to the people in attendance. I call most of them friends, but I have this weird 'thing' where I don't let people get overly close to me (we'll jump off that bridge later). But I just looked around the room at these people in my life and smiled. Maisie running around visiting everyone in the room until Phil shows up then never leaving his side. Sven and Steve howling at a Triumph the Insult Comic Dog skit; Jenny sitting with her feet up staring semi-longingly at Lite beers and laughing about yellow fuzzy ducky slippers; Tim trying to figure out the best way to smuggle alcohol onto a really large boat.
I'm very forunate to have people in my life who are kind, fun, irreverant and caring. I need to get it through my thick skull that I possess those same traits and that I'm worthy of having these people care about me.
Or maybe they just put up with me as part of some bizarre public service.